


My Father's Eyes

by Maries1993



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Relationships, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Harry Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Married Couple, Mpreg, Omega Eggsy, Parents, Post-Canon, Pregnant Eggsy, Same-Sex Marriage, Soulmates, parent loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maries1993/pseuds/Maries1993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though childbirth nearly kills Eggsy and his baby, both father and son survive. However, Eggsy's behavior becomes strange: he cries when the baby is in his presence, and cannot bear to even look at him. The doctor tells Harry it might be early signs of postpartum depression, but when the new family comes home from the infirmary, the truth of Eggsy's condition is revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Father's Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleMissHara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissHara/gifts).



> _With arms wide open_   
>  _Now everything has changed_   
>  _I'll show you love_   
>  _I'll show you everything_

"You did  _so_  good, Eggsy. You were so  **brave** ," Harry praised warmly as he lifted his weary husband on the day bed of the nursery - the nursery they painted, decorated, and carpeted--with  _love-_ -for their new son.

 ** _Their new son._**  Harry almost couldn't believe, even  **imagine**  that the love between Eggsy and he could create such a beautiful, magnificent, tiny life.

Eggsy smiled weakly at Harry's compliment. His husband pressed a tender kiss to the younger man's sweating forehead.  
-

The birth had not been an easy one - for Eggsy or his child. Eggsy had been restricted to "office" duties at Kingsman headquarters from his third trimester, doing an abundance of work akin to a tech. He worked right alongside Merlin, who bore the brunt of Eggsy's horrific mood swings and bizarre appetite. Eggsy even once entreated him to get this special Belgian dark chocolate  **only**  available on the other side of London, much to Harry's amusement.  
  
It was when Eggsy was directing Roxy on a mission in Albania that he felt the strangest pains in his abdomen. Merlin told him it was probably the baby kicking, but Eggsy knew his child's touch - **something was wrong**. The pain escalated; it was agonizing,  _unbearable_.

Then Eggsy's water broke.

He was already confined to the Kingsman infirmary--luckily, just across the headquarters from the technicians’ offices --when Harry arrived in panic. He smoothed back his delirious husband's hair, whispering to him frequently _“everything will be alright”_ and _'I love you"._ Even when Eggsy was put to sleep for the emergency C-section, Harry was by his side, squeezing his limp hand, and humming encouragements and loving words.

Eggsy was Harry’s talisman, his husband, his  _soulmate_  - he would die being wrenched from his embrace before leaving him.

So when the doctor announced " _here he is_ ", and that tiny, crying, precious baby was removed from his husband's womb, Harry felt breathless, a profound warmth touching him into the depths of his soul. It didn't matter in the least the child was obviously jaundiced from his preterm birth; he was perfect a creature that Eggsy and he _created._

The baby had his umbilical cord cut and was soon snuggly wrapped in a blue silk blanket before the doctor carefully placed him atop Eggsy's chest, held gently in place by Harry.  
  
"Oh, Eggsy, if you could see him," he rejoiced, the dark brown hues of his eyes sparkling with tears.

Harry pressed a small kiss to his son's tiny fingers, then one on Eggsy's temple, before he had to reluctantly hand him over to the nurse. 

"We'll take good care him," reassured the nurse, with a soft touch to Harry's shoulder. "We promise."

-

The birth had been more devastating to Eggsy than had initially been believed. He didn't wake from the anesthesia in the usual expected timespan; in Eggsy’s slumber, his blood pressure decreased, heart rate sky rocketed, and, most worryingly, his vitals reported a severe decrease in his red blood cell count.

At the same time, the baby was installed in intensive care. The poor thing was put under photo therapy, which had him stripped naked and placed under special lighting to break the bilirubin in his little body, which changed his skin color.

It was with great luck, Roxy had swiftly completed and returned from her mission to help Harry and Michelle--busy with Daisy --because _just_ as she had, Eggsy began bleeding profusely, and was hastily brought into surgery to discover the source. Harry, Roxy, and Michelle, in alternation, sat with the baby, waited outside the Kingsman infirmary's operation theatre for Eggsy, and took care of Daisy.

Harry was the one sitting with his son when Eggsy's surgeon informed him that Eggsy had a postpartum hemorrhage. It required the removal of remaining pieces of the placenta, as well as the insertion of a Foley catheter in Eggsy's womb to halt the bleeding. It wasn’t that that horrified Harry so much as when the doctor said it was thankful they stopped the bleeding at last twilight, for they almost had to perform a hysterectomy--the removal Eggsy's womb, the stealing of his ability to bear any more children.

The doctor told Harry, holding his sick son's little hand, that he could see he husband in a moment.  
\--  
Eggsy and the baby were in the Kingsman infirmary for over a week. The child's health improved quicker than Eggsy's, who dozed in and out of consciousness the length of his hospitalization. He hadn't even had the chance to hold his child--that precious being and his every movement in Eggsy's womb making Eggsy sob with joy; the little angel Eggsy fretted over and loved since the stick turned blue; a tiny life that was the consummation of the labour of love between his parents.

But he had not held his child _just_ because they were both gravely ill: when he was first fully conscious, and Harry brought their baby to him, Eggsy turned his head and began sobbing fiercely. Later, when he was asked if he wanted to see the infant, Eggsy would come unglued, unable to speak through his tears.   
  
At first, the doctor thought it the typical baby blues new parents suffered, but Eggsy's behavior was more alarming. The doctor _then_ theorized his bizarre behavior could be early signs of postpartum depression.

The doctor recommended, the night before both father and child were to be discharged, that they all go home and see how Eggsy responded to the baby over the next week. If his distancing toward his newborn continued, a psychiatric evaluation would be rendered necessary and urgent.  
  
-  
  
So on 19 December, Harry left for home with an ill Eggsy and their rosy-cheeked son in Roxy's arms. Michelle kissed all three--she had to get home to Daisy--and whispered "good luck" to Harry, before taking off.

Harry and Roxy decided, prior to their departure that Harry would carry Eggsy upstairs and get him comfortable in the nursery, before Roxy brought in their son.  
  
-

Just as Harry had finished slipping fuzzy warm socks on Eggsy's small, freezing feet, and wrapping him lovingly in cotton blankets, Roxy appeared, a newborn sleeping between her fingers. 

The small simper Harry had given Eggsy faltered, his features downcast, eyes brimming with _devastating_ pain. Eggsy made a strangled sound, and shook his head at Harry. Harry nodded to Roxy, who acknowledged she was being asked to step out.

But then the baby made the quietest, gurgling sound--not a cry, nor a laugh, but something that was powerful and enchanting enough to make Eggsy sing out "Wait!" He shifted his body to get a better look at the little being in his best friend's arms. "I--I wanna to see 'im."

Roxy slowly stepped over to Harry, who squeezed Eggsy's shaking hand before carefully taking the happy baby from Roxy. "Beautiful boy," Harry breathed, planting a kiss on the infant's soft head. 

Eggsy, wracked with nerves, attempted to sit up, but collapsed back in pain from his fresh surgery scars.

"Shhh, don't move Eggsy," Harry warned softly, "Here’s _your_ son - **our** son." Harry lowered the bubbling child to Eggsy's eye line. "Do you want to hold him, Eggsy?"  
  
It takes a quiet moment, but Eggsy finally shakes his head wearily in assent.

He took his son into his arms so naturally, so lovingly, as if he had done it before in a thousand lifetimes, knowing on instinct where to put his hands and how to hold him.

Roxy, with a small smile, slowly backed out of the room to let the new fathers’ have some time together alone.

Eggsy's eyes clouded when the little life started wriggling in his arms - the sweet, strange creature with the most golden brown hair, cutest pink lips, and the softest, most delicate skin.

"He's so beautiful, 'Arry," Eggsy choked, "he looks just like you."

Harry could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall. "But he has your eyes, Eggsy, _your beautiful eyes_."

Eggsy's eyes sparkled at that, his chest heaving. Then his voice cracked. " **My father's eyes**." His tears flowed freely down his bloodless cheeks, but firm he held his child, spoiling him with kisses.

Harry caressed Eggsy’s head. "My darling...is that what this is all about? Your father?"

Eggsy clutched his son closer to his breast. "I almost died, 'Arry.” 

"But you're fine now, Eggsy--"

His husband cut him off. "No, you don't understand. Alive now, but my job...what if I die? I leave you? I leave 'im? Like my father? You two’ll be alone, and I didn't realize that until bringing life into this world almost ended mine." Eggsy's lips quivered, squeezing his son’s tiny hand. "I am terrified."

Harry's lips tightened. "Do you think keeping yourself distant from him will make anything bad happen to you easier for him to fathom?"

Eggsy cradled the baby, humming low. "I almost began to think, perhaps that I'd be best if I died on a mission long before he could remember me."

Harry shook his head. "Eggsy--

" ** _But_** just now, I realize--seeing 'im, holding 'im, feeling his heartbeat beneath my fingers, looking into those round, emerald green eyes sparkle with such life and such potential, I couldn't leave 'im, 'Arry. I couldn't leave you. I just can’t bear the thought – the thought that he might despise me if I do die on the job, because he can’t and won't ever understand why."  
  
Harry touched his hand to Eggsy's, smiling through his tears. "He'd know his father died a great servant of his country, and saved the lives of millions--including his and his other father’s. You'll never be forgotten, Eggsy. You'll live on in our hearts, in this life or the next." He put his finger under Eggsy's chin. "But we mustn't worry about that now."

Eggsy sniffled, then with a small smile, finally nodded in agreement.

"Our little one is so brave," mused Eggsy, nuzzling his head to his baby's. "Suppose his name is fitting, then."

Harry smiled delicately, pressing his lips to Eggsy's finger that were gripping their son's, before carefully swinging his leg over Eggsy's lower half. He smoothed his arms around Eggsy, the two holding their son _together._  
  
Harry started. "I think little **Lee** smiled."

Eggsy snorted. "He's a week old, 'Arry."

Harry laughed, taking Lee’s squirming fingers in his and kissing them, while feeling, under his cheek, a smile form on Eggsy’s lips.

Harry could live in this moment forever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you LittleMissHara for being the Beta
> 
> For updates on my writing and Hartwin things, feel free to follow on [tumblr](http://hartwin-danny.tumblr.com)


End file.
